I like stories with female protagonists because I find it interesting to sympathize with characters who are different from myself. Unfortunately, there aren't many male writers who take the time to actually write believable female characters. At best, most of them end up creating surreptitiously misogynistic representations of women based on their own misinterpretations of what they think modern women want to be. I call it Ally McBeal Syndrome. The symptoms of AMS is a female protagonist who pays lip service to strength and independence despite embodying every gender stereotype of the age. See, in the first episode of Ally McBeal, David E. Kelley's script has his titular protagonist just come out and say (in voiceover no less) that it sure is tough to be a smart, independent woman in a profession dominated by men. In its attempt to appeal to women, this moment does little more than patronize them. So, when USA decided to launch their girl-spy dramedy Covert Affairs I kept an eye open for the signs of AMS. It took all of 15 minutes to confirm the diagnosis.

Covert Affairs stars Piper Perabo as Annie Walker, a polyglot who gets fast-tracked to a position in the CIA for her language skills and ace marks during training. Her first day on the job finds Annie exchanging information with a defecting FSB assassin and getting into high speed car chases with mysterious pursuers. Of course, there's absolutely no reason why the agency actually needs Annie considering that her contact is fluent in English (and I have a hard time believing that the CIA is starved for agents who can speak Russian), but hey, it's TV and I'm willing to go along for the ride. Except that the plot holes, predictability and tin-eared dialogue just keep on coming. And naturally, as a sufferer of acute AMS, Covert Affairs does everything in its power to diminish its female characters. Even Annie's tough-as-nails boss is so preoccupied with unfounded paranoia about her husband's fidelity that she fails to follow through on just about everything she's supposed to do as the chief of a secret CIA task force.

Let's talk about that task force for a moment. It's called the Domestic Protection Division and its job is to keep tabs on all potential threats to United States security within the nation's borders. So, in other words, it's a department within the CIA that is designed to do what the CIA is already supposed to do, as well as what the Department of Homeland Security is supposed to do and what the National Security Agency is supposed to do. Aside from its baffling redundancy, I can't fathom why writers Matt Corman and Chris Ord thought it was necessary to give Annie her own special club within the agency. It's just silly.

From the previews I wanted Covert Affairs to be a slick spy drama, a sort of 21st century La Femme Nikita. After realizing that the show trends toward a lighter tone, all I wanted out of it was something on the same level as another one of USA's new shows, the rather excellent White Collar. After the extra-long pilot, it's clear that the show doesn't really have the chops to even do that. The only character on the show who even approaches being interesting is Auggie, a blind jokester played by Christopher Gorham. While at this point I'd rather watch a much tighter show about a blind spy with shaggy charm, it's obvious that Covert Affairs is never going to move beyond being another half-assed genre show that coasts by on its lovelorn career girl aesthetic.

Best Moment: Whenever anyone was doing anything spy-like the show was at its best. Too bad we had to sit through so many scenes of Annie with her spinster cat to get to them.

Notes: Sendhil Ramamurthy, aka Dr. Mohinder Suresh of Heroes, will be joining the cast of Covert Affairs later down the line. That guy sure knows how to pick 'em.

Episode Rating: 2/5- Despite a few fun scenes and a not-terrible cast, Covert Affairs is nothing more than ill-conceived filler for the summer. It would take a ridiculous amount of retooling to make this show worthwhile. Oh, well. Nice try, USA.