Heroes: Close To You

As I watched this week's episode of Heroes a thought crossed my mind. No, not just that I was witnessing yet another chapter in the single most ridiculous show on television, but that Heroes would really do better with a shorter format. Maybe as a half-hour program or even as a web series, I think this show could overcome its many, many problems. Thinking back to the many web series NBC produced in between regular seasons of Heroes, they were intriguing, well-paced and even exciting, especially The Recruit from December 2008. After The Recruit ended I wanted so much more to follow the story of teleporting soldier Rachel Mills than to go back to any of the characters from the TV series. The shorter format of the Heroes webisodes allowed the show to shake off the yoke of everything that makes it such an unmitigated disaster.

Arguably the biggest problem with Heroes is its bloated cast. There are so many characters running around at once that it's practically impossible to advance the plot in any meaningful way. We either spend too little time with one particular circle to get anywhere, or we discover that the show is so used to only giving five or ten minutes an episode to a given character that it just doesn't know what to do with one when he or she takes up more screen time. The webisodes worked because they focused on a very small group of characters. So, in "Close To You" we wound up darting from story to story, even introducing yet another person to the mix in the form of the object of Samuel's unnecessary obsessions (played by BSG alum Kate Vernon). Also, Parkman showed up to do what he does best: grind the already slow story to a complete halt.

Speaking of Parkman, let's talk about another one of the big problems on Heroes. This show doesn't give a damn about continuity, like how exactly Parkman went from being in police custody on a seemingly unbeatable murder rap to sitting pretty as a stay-at-home dad. The guy had a freaking corpse in his trunk and he pointed a gun at the cops. Can't we even get a tossed-off explanation for why he isn't cooking ratatouille in a cell in Sing-Sing?

Of course that's nothing when compared to Ando and his constantly transforming super power. For those of you who, like me, have been keeping tabs on the properties of Ando's utterly nonsensical pink lightning, it has done four completely different things since manifesting a couple years ago. First it super-charged the abilities of others, then it turned into a weapon that knocked out some cops and possibly killed Hiro in a future that never happened, then in tonight's episode it managed to both bypass an electronic lock and administer on-the-fly electro-shock therapy to instantly cure Hiro of his amusing insanity. My conclusion: Ando shoots plot out of his hands. That's the only possible explanation for a power that does only what is most convenient at the time.

Aside from the rescue of Suresh, which was really more amusing than it had a right to be, nothing else really happened in this episode. Bennet got angsty, as did Parkman. Samuel kidnapped Ellen Tigh. Peter smashed Deaf Doctor's cello because drama. That's about the long and short of it.

Best Moment: Whenever it was that I remembered watching The Recruit and how cool Rachel's shiny bamf was.

Notes: It must be so frustrating to be an actor on Heroes because the job basically entails showing up for about an hour every day to do one brief scene that consists of nothing but snippy dialog.

Episode Rating: Meh. It had its moments and at least the continuity problems were occasionally amusing.